WHY IS THERE NO DRUNK THREAD

So... after about 4(ish) glasses of rum and coke, I'm slightly inebriated. I'm not sure whether or not I should be worried that I can still spell 'inebriated' correctly.

MIIIIMOSAAAAS

I don't have to be to bed for 40 minutes and I AM DRIZZUNK wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee HICCUPS WTF FUCK TAHT SHIT

No intern at the new place, no fuck given
Access internet on smartphone, n fucks given
Log into bf and posy in the dunk threat, no fucks given
Swype is a shut, no fucks to give
Still unpacking no fucks giv
Evan rwilmm honey wish ky, no fucks tighten
Lay on the couch until drunk our no fucks given
Giving fucks is a worn pout meme, no fucks given
I am so tied no fucks left to give they are still packed awry

lum doesn't give me ths drunk achievementon bf, FUCKS ARE GIVEN

OH WELL HE durant

Roommate's an enabler. Since he brought me bourbon, I have volunteered to edit the paper he was falling asleep over. Hel-loooo, drunk commentary...

This rum I bought today might just be my bestest friend ever.

At least until the morning. ;-)

And yes, I have a tumbler glass specifically for when I drink hard stuff. Half a finger mixed with cola is enough at my current state of non-existent alcohol tolerance.

Though the cat is confused by the whole thing.

It helps that the writer of this paper told me not to edit it anyway. That way, my comments have a limited degree of sense they have to make.

As it stands, the bourbon is making itself felt, and I have another doctor's appointment in the early morning and rush hour traffic to negotiate before that. G'night, internet.

Scratch that. Neither I nor the roommate can sleep, despite a substantial amount of liquor, so we're playing an extremely simple TF2 drinking game and seeing who passes out first. WOO.

Costco bourbon is kind of...not too bad. And my aim gets hella worse as a drunk sniper. Who'da thunk?

Company christmas party. started at 2 pm. it's now 9 pm and i'm dunk.

I don't really know what to do at parties liken this anymore. I'm not supposed to hit on pretty girls (not that I was ever good at that), so I talk to people, drink a lot and get tired... I remember partying being something more. I mean, I don't remember rtemember, but I did a lot of it, so there must have been something else to it...

Europeans have the best parties. 7 hours for a work party and it is only 9? Ours may make it 3 or 4 hours at the venue, but it will need to be continued at a bar with a few people I can persuade until 2am or so.

It's now 1 am and the DJ ledt, so were dryinking in pur Web-departement(that's where all the Young badly pais people work)


PS age 42 and helium is still fun, but I almost fainted

YAY

Awesome. :)

Rum and cooking! I have had more than three Dr Krakens while making cheesy bread and it turned out just fine. MASTER CHEF.

When the going gets tough, the tough get some ginger ale to go with their Costco bourbon. And then they start cooking. NO WAY THIS COULD END BADLY.

Wait, what? Is there seriously Costco brand bourbon?

Kirkland Signature, which is as close as it gets. I've had three that-and-ginger-ales already. And got the news that I was having two extra dinner guests about ten minutes before they got here. Woo, drunk cooking! :D

I wonder who makes that for them. Googling seems to indicate that it's possibly a Jim Beam subcontractor, but other people think it's reminiscent of Knob Creek or Booker's and that maybe it's put out by them. I can't seem to find anything definitive.

But $20 for a 1L? I'll give that a shot for sure.

I hear that's actually made by Grey Goose, but I'm friends with a vodka distiller, so the only thing more expensive than Smirnoff that I keep on hand is Valentine.

Must...stop...cooking when alcohol is involved...but dammit, I am finally letting myself cook something significant since whatever involved me barely being able to stand up for multiple hours at a time. Bourbon, you are my saviour. And apparently my trigger for British spellings.

Editings. I'm a technical writer's kid. Can you blame me for extensively editing my drunk postings? :)

GO DRUNK COOKING! "It was spicy enough to give it flavor, so that was dinner." Woo!

shoot me

Have apparently transitioned from "curled up on the couch drunk and shivering from plain old stress" into "awake at quarter of four in the morning, with a giant bourbon headache and some tea made by a very considerate roommate." On the bright side, I'm pretty sure the company left before I made a drunken ass of myself. Pretty sure.

Agh. I'd say "this week," but it's only Monday.

Work-sponsored holiday luncheon. Open bar. Mandatory attendance for another hour and a half. Debating some seriously poor decisions.

We had ours Saturday night. I may have talked about "jacking off" in front of my wife and two female co-workers a bit too much, but it is all very hazy.

You were talking to other people about jacking off in front of your wife and female co-workers, or you were talking to your wife and female co-workers about jacking off?

They're both awful, just in different ways.

Oh yeah, that would have been option (b). The less egregious of two inappropriate conversations. Ya know, this is a topic that in the light of (sober) day seems much, much worse than it was at the time...I think. Let me just say, though, I heard much worse from my co-workers end of the table. We are not a PC bunch. Or at least the bunch that went to the after party is not.

My wife had a lot too much and discussed, after the topic of tattoos, came up, the pros and cons of her having her nipples tattooed on after the double mastectomy and reconstruction following her breast cancer...with people she had just met. She opted out, FYI. Ahhh, good times.

EDIT: HA!: I just mentioned her story to the wife and she was horrified as she did not remember it. Needless to say, I got up after 4 hours or so of sleep and managed the children while she stayed in bed all day on the Sabbath.

Don't forget Hanzii, he just had a nice bender.

I'm halfway through dorm cleaning and following a trip to macy's, I am going to be waist deep in cheap japanese beer, because the worst way to clean one's apartment is sober.

AWW YEAH.

Hey, I've been drunk in this thread before! But if you insist, I'll go get the whipped cream vodka. No, really, twist my arm...

I have too! I am far too full on dairy to drink booze right now though. Maybe tomorrow.

GO HOME SYSTEM
YOU'RE DRUNK

I have my bestest ideas in this thread.

1) Whiskey in Capri-Sun pouches. They already make those little bota boxes for wine, they need them for grown-up drinks too.

2) Lime+tequila jello shots served in hollowed-out jalapenos. You could totally also make lime jello + rum + mint extract mojito shooters.

Oh man lemon jello + gin = Tom Collins jello shots HELLS YES.

Someone beat you to it.

I said grownup drinks not that leprechaun swill.

(not whiskey, but it's a start I s'pose)

I totally need to stock up on those if I'm doing another kickball season.