WHY IS THERE NO DRUNK THREAD

So does the vermouth in a martini constitute the "bitters" requirement or something? Because otherwise, it's not even remotely a cocktail by your definition. No citrus, no sweet, no bitters, just briney and ginny.

Trick question! A classic martini should have bitters in it.

The original 19th-century dry martini was about half gin and half dry vermouth, with a dash of orange bitters. Later on the vermouth percentage dropped, and people started to omit the orange bitters when they got hard to find.

You can get orange bitters pretty easily now, though, so if you like a martini you owe it to yourself to try one with a dash or two of orange bitters. I like two dashes of Regan's orange bitters in mine, personally.

Really, in a world where people play bullshit games like "then bow in the direction of France" and call their drink a martini, it's no surprise the bitters got lost.

(And again, there's no shame in a vermouth-less glass of gin or vodka. Those are good things. All I ask is that you admit to yourself that sometimes what you really want is a big cold glass of gin with an olive in it.)

Ooooh! You just inspired my next drink.

VODKA. WITH OLIVE JUICE. AND OLIVES. MAYBE SOME ICE.

SHIT JUST GOT REAL, SON.



I put it in a Johnny Walker glass for extra realness.

I am here for you:



Karlsson's Gold, straight from the freezer, so cold the glass is covered in spiderwebs of frost and the contents are viscous. It is a magnificent thing, single-distilled and actually tasting of potato.

I'm a gin guy, but this stuff is worth straying from the one true path for.

I was just using smirnoff, but that stuff sounds rather fancy. I have often been tempted to do a blind vodka tasting, but I'm afraid of finding out that it all tastes the same.

I'm debating my next drink. I'm suitably intoxicated, so I don't want to waste any good scotches or bourbons, but I'm not in the mood for swill either.

Okay, I'm not drunk at this time (in progress), but this seems like a good place for this. I can use guidance from the fine drinkpersons here.

We're having a Mayan Long Count party on 12/21, and the plan is to celebrate the end of the world as the dateline moves east to west with appropriate libations, no more than one per country. The goal is to have a mix of liquor, liqueur, beer and wine, covering all continents and regions except Antarctica. So far I have:

Australia -- Foster's
China -- homemade rice brandy
Japan -- Sake
Russia -- Vodka
Africa -- Amarula
Middle East -- Arak (Lebanon)
Greece -- Ouzo
Italy -- Amaretto
Germany -- Riesling
France -- Absinthe
Belgium -- Raspberry Lambic ale
England -- Gin
Ireland -- Guinness Extra Stout
Caribbean -- RUM
Mexico -- Mayan coffee liqueur
US -- moonshine
Chile -- Carminere (red wine)

Yes, I know the above geography is not quite correct east to west.

Any must-haves I'm missing? Assume I'm not willing to replace something already selected. Assume further that everything is to be taken straight, no mixers. Anything Scandinavian that would be reasonably easy to acquire, for example?

Akvavit.

Okay, last drink of the night.

Gin and juice. Not juice, diet Sierra mist, because FUCK EMPTY CALROIES, AMIRTIE?

Akvavit! You should be able to get at least passable akvavit in a decent liquor store, and it's surprisingly tasty to drink straight. Well, assuming you like rye bread with caraway seeds. Which you should, because rye bread is delicious.

Also, consider adding something for Spain or Portugal. Sherry and port are easy to get and delicious.

Interesting small-batch gin and diet soda. You're doing this just to hurt me, aren't you?

This is about the bitters thing, isn't it?

Akvavit it is, then.

I was going to give Spain/Portugal a pass, but I do enjoy port, so perhaps. . .

TAWNY PORT FUCK YES POUR IT ON MY FACE

Kinky.

Nah, I'm just showing off at this point.

This is seriously my favorite gin of all time. And to me, diet soda tastes better than most regular soda, so I'm making what to me tastes like the best drink possible. AND IT HAS LESS CALORIES, SO DOUBLE WIN.

I can see nothing that could possibly go wrong with this plan.

The world is going to damn well end in my house. The rest of the world can carry on as it will.

If you make it through Europe upright I'm going to be impressed.

Also a little worried.

I gotta admit, I'm totally gonna gank that idea, I just odn't know if I have enogh time to pull it fof.

And now we know how many drinks it takes for Ryan's internal spellchecker to segfault.

(I blame my time spent churning out stories for fiction workshop while kind of hammered in college for my pathological inability to let spelling errors go even while drunk, btw.)

Must make it across the globe, because dammit I want to try moonshine. That absinthe is going to a hurdle, though.

I shall meet you all here at 12:01 on December 22.

If there IS a December 22.

It's nothing to wtite home agout.

Aha! I'll already be at home!

Absinthe is so good, though. Do you just not like licorice/anise flavors?

Also, what's your moonshine plan? Real moonshine, or commercial unaged white dog whiskey?

Oh, no, I love licorice/anise. I've got some sambuca in reserve. The absinthe is just a tad stiffer, that's all.

I actually have a Kentucky source of genuine white lightnin', but came up with the plan too late, so it's commercial swill in a mason jar. By the time we get to the US, I don't think anyone's going to give a revenuer's damn.

I think I may have crossed a bridge too far. later yall

Yeah, 140 proof is not fucking around. Do your no-mixers rules extend to not watering the stuff down so it louches?

Yeah, at that point going with commercial neutral spirits might just be an act of mercy. Every time someone's brought real moonshine to a party around here it's ended badly. Especially the steeped / flavored stuff.

"This is delicious! Wait, didn't I used to know how to walk? Crap."

Seems you ought to get a nice brown ale for Britain.
South Africa is producing some good wines these days, though I have no recommendations off the top of my head.
Spanish wine too: get any red blend bottle of Rioja-region Tempranillo and you'll be set.
Portugal was already covered, this night you might like a light Ruby port over a Tawny but both are awesome.
Argentina is becoming super-known for Malbec wines, there are some nice selections from Mendoza and Salta regions.
I love Chilean wine and their Carmenere is great but you could also go Viognier if you wanted to mix it up a bit.
You could try and find some kava drink to get a broad alcoholic exposure to the Polynesian cultures.
Also a shame to have no representatives from Canada: either a beer or ice wine should cover you there.
Palm wine for the India region.
Mead for Scandinavians (I'm not a fan of akavit, hey nobody's perfect)
Raki from Turkey (might be related to Lebanese Arak, don't know?)

We do plan to drink absinthe as genuinely as possible. Got the spoon and sugar cubes.

Awesome. That's such a lovely ritual.

Thanks for the suggestions. I had a malbec in hand but decided to let the Chilean cover for both. I like the kava notion, but I just haven't been able to find anything Polynesian locally.

I kept rejecting Canada . Nothing seemed very intriguing next to moonshine and absinthe.

Canadian ice wine is a delicious treat. Barring that, get a couple cans of Molson's happening and you'll be all set.
And for Scotland, how about a nice Glen(somethingsomethingIdon'tknowscotch) scotch? Would be a shame to miss a global staple of fine drink and Drambuie, while deelish, isn't exactly a national treasure of booze.

By the way in case the moonshine thing doesn't pan out for your US coverage then how about some KENTUCKY BOURBON IN YOUR FACES GUITAR RIFF WITH JON BON RIGHT NOW!


eta:
Oh also Poland, the Chopin brand of vodka is Polish and it is fucking good, son.
you know, Frederick fucking Shopan!

You could opt for complete insanity and pick up a bottle of Sortilege, which is a nice sweet maple syrup liqueur. Hard to get much more Canadian unless you try and distill a moose.

Agh! Too many great ideas.

BTW, in case anyone's concerned, the idea is for tastings of each of these libations. The goal is to have fun and expose folks to new things. And to distract me from the fact that there are people in my house.

I was set on Maker's Mark but my daughter talked me into the moonshine.

And I didn't want to serve cheap scotch. Didn't seem right. My budget is already straining. May pass Scotland by.

Crap, just 100ml or so of rum split between three rum and cokes has gotten me to the point where my teeth are numb. The slutty girl at work who keeps hitting on me thinks my lack of alcohol tolerance is hilarious, but there is no way I could handle drinking with her and avoiding making a big mistake.

And before anyone accuses me of using the term "slutty" inappropriately, we are talking about a woman who admitted to me that she had her uterus removed because she's a little "boy crazy".

Psst. I'll let you in on a secret: Fosters is Australia's 'reject' beer. We use it purely as an export so that we can hoard the good stuff for ourselves.

I wondered about that. It seems like most big export beers are not really that beloved in their home countries. Corona from Mexico, Bud from the US, etc. What are the good beers from an Australian perspective?

Oh, I know that. We are drinking Foster's ironically. Please don't take offense.

I suppose it's a matter of personal taste. Tooheys beer is a popular/widespread brand here, but I'm not all that fond of it. I would recommend either Coopers, or James Squire (slightly more expensive than average).

edit:

None taken.

Thirded. If you can, try to find "Linie Akvavit"


or Aalborgs "Jubilæums Aquavit" in a pinch.



I'd definitely lean towards the former, though.

None of the above, sorry.